1. He orders off a child’s menu
2. He’s so excited to show you his court-ordered ankle tracker.
3. The first question he asks is “have you found Jesus yet?”
4. He keeps talking about his ex.
5. He starts talking about your future kids.
6. He treats the waitstaff poorly
7. He’s fiddling with his phone the WHOLE TIME.
8. He shows up drunk or high…or both.
9. His point of attention is down your shirt.
10. He talks to everyone else in the place BUT you.
11. He can only carry one topic of conversation: HIMSELF!